2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
