im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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