it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
