I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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