Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
