I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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