You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
