fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
