I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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