Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
not ubering you a puppy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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