Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
