someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
