I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
