I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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