I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
