the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is the high leading the old right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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