Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize