Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
