yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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