Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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