those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
