I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
