I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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