We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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