im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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