i jhust puked up my retainher.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
