Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
