Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
