the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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