I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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