Buhtt sex?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
