hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
only if we run a train.
done.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
