My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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