this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
