In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize