You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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