i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
