Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
