I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize