Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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