What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
