The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
