She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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