What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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