Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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