woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
