I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
