so that wasnt chicken after all
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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