I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're a waste of cheezeits
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
