I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
