He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
