I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just made my gag reflex go away.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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