Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
