Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
