Kiss
Puke
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
