I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
