I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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