Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
