there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
