How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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