That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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