If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
