the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
