I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
