Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
